I am still depressed as ever. It seems that I can't shake that feelings away. It kinda reminds me of the period in NS. Except that I am not vindicitive at all this time round, still I can't bring myself back to my happy self.
Am I suffering from depression? I have this numbness within me, this void and emptiness that cannot be filled. I do think that I have plenty of reasons to be depressed:
1) My boss and immediate superior wants me to take-up something that I don't want to. Despite expressing my wishes, the sinking feeling is still there. It was communicated to me that if I do not conform, I will NOT be promoted. I can't help but think that it is a thinly veiled threat! When you hate what you're doing, every other thing pales... I can't muster enough energy and mood at work for the last one month plus already. I think I am performing a career suicide and that coupled with the poor economic situation, I think I have the right to be depressed.
2) The new car rim is damaged. Its damn ugly lar!~ I got dad to thanks for tarnishing the otherwise flawless rims! And till today, I have only driven the car for 15 mins so far. I can't think of an occasion that I need to use the car till now.
3) I need to do IPT. And for today's session, I foolishly thought that the sessions will start at 7 p.m as well. By the time I realised that it should be at 4.30 p.m, it is already too late.... Now I got to do 3 x IPT session in one week. I am resigned to the fact that SBJ will kill me no matter how hard I train or try. Why did I have to be born in Singapore? Why am I a guy???? A wretched life beckons....
4) My Scout chums asked me if I am keen to go for a camp next week. I think I wouldn't mind, but my poor mood and energy level makes me tired and unsuitable for all these type of activities.
5) There is this girl who is attached and I harbour feelings of guilt and affection for. And the best thing? Pretend that all these feelings don't exist. I think so far I am doing a great job, I am just like a robot really.
6) School is killing me. I am feeling burned out with the school load...
7) Was also sick with a whopping cough that just wouldn't go away, it made my throat itchy like hell and voice so super-raspy. Because of that I couldn't sleep well. I haven't slept well since secondary 3 actually but what ever little sleep that I already had, it was further reduced.
8) No mid year bonus for me. This means less money for me. Can't be happy about this.
9) PSP 3000 is still not hacked.
All this is culminating into one super showdown for me. I am afraid that the outcome might be too ugly for me to take.
"Over and Out"